


wonder

by Anonymous



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It’s easy to fall back into the routine of loving Ryujin. Inevitable, just like she thought it would be.
Relationships: Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19
Collections: Girl Group Jukebox (Round 3)





	wonder

**Author's Note:**

> written for gg jukebox round 3, inspired by charli xcx's emotional

Chaeryeong watches from her window as Ryujin’s parents' car pulls into the driveway. When the back door opens, she ducks behind the curtains. Ryujin steps out of the car and Chaeryeong gasps – she’s dyed her hair. It’s pink, a pastel shade. Something twists in Chaeryeong’s chest. They had spoken just a few hours ago and Ryujin hadn’t mentioned it. 

“Chaeryeong!” Her mom shouts from downstairs. “Ryujin’s back!”

“I know!” She shouts back. 

“Aren’t you going to go over and say hi?”

Chaeryeong sits down on her bed instead of answering. Ordinarily she would be over the road right away, just like she would do every day after school when they were kids. Things feel different now though. A semester away at opposite ends of the country had built a little distance between them. It was inevitable – they had their individual studies and friends and social lives to be getting on with, but they were still making as much time for each other as they could. 

Still, Chaeryeong feels nervous. 

The distance had been good in a sense. Chaeryeong had missed Ryujin so much, but not being around Ryujin 24/7 had given her a chance to breathe. To work on burying the butterflies that Chaeryeong felt every time Ryujin smiled at her or the warmth in her chest whenever Ryujin would seek her out.

Chaeryeong knows the few months they have spent apart isn’t enough time to have gotten over everything. The second they see each other again, all her feelings are going to come flooding back. Postponing the inevitable isn’t going to work, but it’s worth a shot anyway.

There’s a light knock on the door and Chaeryeong jumps at the sound. “Yeah?” Chaeryeong says. 

Her mom pops her head around the door. Chaeryeong hadn’t even heard her walk up the stairs. “Did you not want to go round?” 

“Not right now,” Chaeryeong tells her. “It’s probably best to give her some time to settle in and unpack first.”

Her mom looks at her for a moment, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she just nods and pulls the door shut.

A few hours later, there’s a knock at her front door. Chaeryeong knows who it is before her mom calls her downstairs. Ryujin’s waiting on the doorstep, hands tucked in her jacket pockets, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet. She grins when Chaeryeong appears. “Want to go for a walk?” She asks.

“Sure.” Chaeryeong grabs her coat and slips on her shoes and follows Ryujin outside.

“I thought you would have come over to my place the second I got back,” Ryujin says as they make their way through the streets. They don’t need to discuss where they are going – without saying anything, they both start in the direction of the park down the road.

“I thought you might be busy,” Chaeryeong says.

“With what? The only thing that’s happened in the past few hours is my mom complaining about how much she misses me whilst I’m gone.” Ryujin says. She nudges Chaeryeong gently with her elbow. “Even if I was busy, you know I’d make time for you. I want to hear about how everything has gone for you this semester.”

“You already know everything,” Chaeryeong says. “Did you forget every conversation we’ve had over the past three months?”

Ryujin rolls her eyes. “I mean in person. It’s different when you’re hearing it through a screen.” She links their arms together and tugs Chaeryeong along until they are pressed against each other, side by side. Chaeryeong can’t help but smile. “Tell me it all again. From the beginning.”

They slip back into how they were before almost instantly, exactly like Chaeryeong expected. There’s so much to say, but it’s a good thing. A distraction from how heavy her heart feels in her chest, how anxious she is that one day the truth will just burst out of her and Ryujin will never talk to her again. Ryujin explains a story Chaeryeong has already heard twice, hands waving in the air and a big smile on her face as she speaks. She’s missed this so much. 

They get to the park and sit on the swings, pushing themselves as high as they can go until they are both laughing and their hair is windswept.

“It feels strange to be back,” Ryujin says once they have slowed to a steady swing. “It’s almost like I never left. It’s going to take some getting used to.”

Chaeryeong hums in agreement.

“Are you okay?” Ryujin asks. “You’ve been kind of quiet.”

“It’s nothing really. Just a lot to get used to, like you said. I don’t really know what to do with myself.” Chaeryeong tells her. It’s not entirely false. She misses her university friends and being able to stay up as late as she wants without her parents judging her.

Chaeryeong can’t even guess how Ryujin would react if she told her the truth.

“Yeah, I get that.” Ryujin replies. “Do you want to hang out tomorrow? We can go into town and do something. Maybe watch a film? Anything, really. I just don’t want to be stuck at home all day.”

“I can hear your mom crying now. ‘Ryujin’s gotten so independent since she moved away. Where has my baby gone?’” Chaeryeong teases.

Ryujin laughs. “She almost said that word for word earlier. Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes.” Chaeryeong says. “We’ll just have to keep each other busy.”

It was already dark when they left for the park and with so much to catch up on, the two of them end up talking for so long that Chaeryeong loses track of time. It’s late by the time she checks her phone and the air has gotten colder. “We should probably head back,” She says, shivering.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Ryujin says.

The walk back is slow. Chaeryeong knows that she’ll see Ryujin tomorrow, but she takes her time anyway. Every minute is important.

When they get to the end of Chaeryeong’s drive, they stand and look at each other. This close, Chaeryeong can see the redness of Ryujin’s nose, and could probably count her eyelashes if she inched just a step closer. “Your hair looks really cool,” Chaeryeong says. “I forgot to say earlier.”

“Thanks.” Ryujin reaches a hand up to touch a strand and tuck it behind her ear. “It was a last minute decision.”

“Pink suits you.” Chaeryeong tells her. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Ryujin nods. She turns and walks across the street to her house, and Chaeryeong doesn’t close her front door until Ryujin has opened hers.

“Did you have fun?” Chaeryeong’s mom asks when she enters the house.

“Yeah, it was good.” Chaeryeong tells her. “We’re going to hang out again tomorrow.”

Chaeryeong’s mom smiles. “Back to normal then.”

“Yeah.” Chaeryeong smiles back.

…

A trip to the cinema. Lunch and dinner outings a couple of times a week. Ryujin crashes Chaeryeong’s bedroom for hours upon end and the next day, Chaeryeong takes her laptop across the road so they can work on their assignments together in Ryujin’s kitchen. Their feet brush under the table and Chaeryeong freezes. She’s about to pull away when Ryujin hooks her ankle around Chaeryeong’s. When Chaeryeong looks up at her, Ryujin is typing away like nothing even happened.

It’s easy to fall back into the routine of loving Ryujin. Inevitable, just like she thought it would be.

Chaeryeong had forgotten just how easy things were between them. They were falling back into the routine of how they were over the summer, spending every moment they could with each other before they had to leave. Back then, Chaeryeong had been convinced they were on the precipice of _something_. Everytime Chaeryeong told herself she was just reading too much into things, Ryujin would do or say something and Chaeryeong would spiral and the confusion would start all over again.

When they had moved away, Chaeryeong had told herself that it was the perfect time to get over it. Ryujin was her best friend and nothing more. She was going to meet plenty of people whilst she was away at university. Maybe one of them would be the one.

For a while, Chaeryeong truly believed it had worked. Looking back, she thinks she just got good at convincing herself that it had.

Now, she was starting to notice things again. Blink and you’ll miss it kind of moments – catching Ryujin staring at her when she thought Chaeryeong was distracted. Gentle touches that feel laden with something more than just kindness. Silences that seem heavy and filled with words that are never quite said. It confuses her all over again.

Winter break draws to a close and Chaeryeong finds herself lying in Ryujin’s bed, the two of them side by side, elbow to elbow. Sleepovers had been commonplace in their households before and Chaeryeong had lost count of the amount of times she had crashed over at Ryujin’s during the summer. 

Like every other interaction they’d had over the past couple of weeks, this feels different. There’s a quiet tension and Chaeryeong knows she is not imagining it. 

Chaeryeong finds herself staring at the ceiling and wonders just how long she can go on like this. 

“Part of me almost doesn’t want to go back,” Ryujin says, pulling Chaeryeong back into the moment.

Ryujin rolls onto her side and Chaeryeong can feel the way Ryujin’s eyes burn into her face. 

“Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we had chosen to go to the same university.” Ryujin says quietly. 

“Yeah?” Chaeryeong turns her head. Ryujin is playing with a strand of Chaeryeong’s hair that had escaped from her messy bun, a furrow between her brows. 

“It feels like things would be easier if we were closer together. I miss you when I’m away.” Ryujin says with a sigh. “But I know we won’t be together forever. You’ll want to do your thing and I’ll do mine… I suppose I’ll get used to it eventually.”

“I miss you when I’m gone too,” Chaeryeong tells her. She turns properly so that they are facing each other. “I think you’re right though. It’ll be good for us both.”

They look at each other. Ryujin flitters between wearing her emotions on her face, clear as day, or masking them behind seeming nonchalance. In this situation, it’s the latter. Chaeryeong can’t tell whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

“You’ll have to come and visit sometime,” Ryujin says. “There’s so much I want to show you.”

“Only if you promise to come and visit me too.” Chaeryeong says. 

“Of course I will.” Ryujin says. She links their pinky’s together and smiles. 

Ryujin falls asleep first, her hand curling around Chaeryeong’s wrist as she breathes steadily, in and out. Chaeryeong watches for as long as she can until her eyelids start to flutter shut and she drifts off to sleep. 

(She wakes up in the middle of the night, forgetting where she is. Ryujin’s arm is warm around her waist now, her head tucked into the crook of Chaeryeong’s neck. 

Chaeryeong stills, but Ryujin is still sound asleep, her breath tickling against Chaeryeong’s skin.

It’s like time freezes for a second. Chaeryeong files the moment away at the back of her mind, deep, deep down. 

It’s a while before she falls back asleep.) 

…

Chaeryeong sits on the wall outside of her house, swinging her legs back and forth as she watches Ryujin’s parents check over their car. When they shut the trunk, Ryujin jogs across the road towards her, a smile on her face. 

“Got everything?” Chaeryeong asks when she’s close, jumping down off of the wall. 

“I hope so,” Ryujin says. 

“I guess this is it then,” Chaeryeong says. She opens her arms for a hug and Ryujin pulls her in close, gripping on tight. “Text me when you get there.”

“I will. I’ll miss you.” Ryujin says. “I always do.” 

“We’ll see each other soon,” Chaeryeong promises. 

Chaeryeong stands on the curb as she watches the car pull out of the driveway and onto the street. Ryujin waves and Chaeryeong waves back until they turn the corner and she’s out of sight. For a moment she stands there in the cold, kicking her heel against the pavement. It would be another couple of months now before they saw each other again. Chaeryeong wonders what spring would bring for them, whether come summer, they would still be stuck in this same state of limbo.

Chaeryeong looks across the street at Ryujin’s empty house and then she heads back inside. 


End file.
